I was inspired to write about authenticity. Being absent from social media (Instagram to be exact) clarified some things. And trust me, now I see things differently and sometimes those things seem very questionable to me. Ready, ready? Let’s go.
We (hopefully) have moments of happiness and joy that we want to share with others. We do it because we are convinced that this thing that makes us happy will make the other person happy as well. We might want to see their reaction to that joyful thing or just want them to experience something nice and make their day. Sharing in and of itself is a beautiful thing. It is an essential act for growth in the microcosm & macrocosm of our society.
And of course, we also share negative experiences because we want to be seen in our pain. We want to be validated in our pain - we expect others to be angry/sad/in pain like us, so we do not feel alone in that negativity. Rooted here is another discussion about expectation, but let’s focus on the one at hand. So in essence, we want connection whether it is by sharing a negative or positive experience.
Nowadays we have various tools and mediums at our disposal that we can use to connect with others. Except for meeting somebody in person, we have the internet, the phone call, and letters…?!?! How about art? Those are the things that come to my mind. Ultimately, one of the dominant tools for connection is social media. “Analysis from Kepios shows that there are 4.74 billion social media users around the world in October 2022, equating to 59.3 percent of the total global population.” [1] And what do we do on those platforms? We share. We share our thoughts, emotions, the food we eat, how we look, where we are, and with whom we are, our achievements, funny moments, and tragic moments, from superficial to very deep and personal. But to what extent? Why do we do it? Connection or escape? Escape from what? More on that in Part 2 where I talk about the theme of acceptance and escapism.
What if this sharing of information becomes excessive? What if healthy sharing transforms into unhealthy oversharing? [2] Would that mean that we don’t feel connected enough or seen enough and that's why we do it? Think about it - if you experience a happy and peaceful moment, wouldn’t you just enjoy the moment instead of satisfying the urge to share that with others right away? So what is the intention of this process? Do you do it for yourself or for somebody else?
To me, it seems like a manipulative [3] tactic to get what we want. I believe that through our upbringing, many of us felt inadequate to ask for what we wanted because it was not seen as good or right due to societal and/or cultural rules. Because we are bound to our parents/caretakers as children, we wanted them to provide us with food, safety, love, belonging, and much more. So what would a child do, if it doesn't get what it wants its way? It adapts to the values of its parents and pleases them so that it is “worthy” of getting that specific thing. Talk about an unhealthy relationship with your parent… Or, the child tries to find manipulative ways to get what they want.
Example: A child wants to play with their mother but she is so exhausted from working that, in her free time, she pulls out her phone and gets immersed in social media. In this situation, the mother isn’t aware of the child's needs. But the child desperately wants attention so they start crying or start breaking things so that their mother finally sees them and gives them attention/plays with them. If this pattern is repeated enough, the child would think: “Mom will only take care of me if I am sad or if I do something dangerous. I am loved when I am a sad/dangerous child.” This pattern could potentially evolve into something else growing up, but basically, that is how one pattern/belief can be born - developing manipulative ways into getting what we want, because of the belief that asking up front does not work. [4] And I don’t say that manipulation, in general, is bad, it is just not honest. Manipulation can be a useful tool to help people - look at therapists and energy healers. :)
That question lead me to my next thought. I have observed that hyperconnectivity [5] can be a danger to connecting to ourselves. We might be so caught up in external influences, those being: the news, opinions of others, or just the flood of information that one consumes just by scrolling through social media. Where is the space for reflection? Where is the stillness in which we can hear our own voice? Again, where is our authenticity?
Fun fact: As I am writing this, I am seeing a couple in front of me sitting across the room at the cafe. The woman uses an app that sends the user a notification and they have to take a picture of what's in front of them and a selfie of themselves in that situation. She is smiling and is posing happily for the camera. But the funny thing is that after observing her for the last 10 minutes (yes, I like to observe people) this emotion came out of nowhere. It doesn't match what I was looking at in the last 10 minutes. Is she authentically happy? We will never know… :)
I strongly believe that social media can taint our own voices, our likes, dislikes, beliefs, and even our authentic values in life. One reason we do it is, again, connection. We want to belong and we want to be accepted. We are wired as human beings to be like this. [6] Unfortunately, people are sacrificing their authenticity in order to keep the connection they desperately desire. But wouldn’t it be more fulfilling to learn more about yourself, shine your true light and connect with others on that? Wouldn’t that be a decision based on your higher calling, your intuition, and your truth? Wouldn’t you flow with life instead of resisting it? Furthermore, I believe that the Universe/God/Your Higher Self will force you to face those false parts of yourself - for your good, especially in your journey of self-discovery. But remember: “It is not happening to you but for you.” (One of my favorite sayings.)
Tell me, what are you choosing? Are you choosing your authenticity or the false connection to others through your false identity? What do you need to change in your life to hear your voice more clearly? What healthy boundaries and intentions do you need to set? Let’s reflect and dive deeper into our inner being. And nobody said that you have to do it alone. Ask your friends to support you in your journey. Plus, what better time than in winter to do so? Wishing you all nice holidays and a beautiful start to the New Year. And as always…
Keep on shining!
Ray
Sources:
[1] https://datareportal.com/social-media-users
[2] The act of giving more information than people want to hear about your personal life. https://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/definition/english/oversharing
[3] controlling someone or something to your own advantage, often unfairly or dishonestly
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/controlling
[4] https://medcraveonline.com/JPCPY/the-age-and-the-psychological-conditions-of-the-manipulative-behavior-of-preschool-children.html